I checked her website. She is very quiet.

Barbra here! I am alive but I am busy trying to make sure the right person gets elected president.

Hi Barbra. Do you know how I can contact Mariah Carey? I really need to reach her. Any help will be appreciated. Rachel.

Hi Rachel. I doubt Barbra knows how to reach Mariah but I do. Just go to Aspen, Colorado, and you'll see her in a snow suit unzipped to reveal her tired old cleavage. I saw it in the latest issue of People magazine. It's hard to understand why she braves frigid temperatures and dresses up in a snow suit only to unzip it down to her belly to show those stupid boobs of hers. If she ever wants to go out ingognito, she doesn't need a wig and sunglasses. All she needs to do is cover up. What a pig.

Barbra here. I thought this discussion was supposed to be about me. Not Pariah Cherry. This is very upsetting and if all the readers of this blog worked for me, I would have to divide you up and fire all the people on my left. Do I make myself clear?

Thanks Barbra, I saw that photo in People too and that's why I want to reach Mariah. You see I'm trying to make it as a designer and one of my ideas is to try and bring back parachute pants with an updated new millenuim funky type thang. I thought Mariah looked so good wearing them in the People photo, that she might consider wearing my design.

Oh - Barbra, I have a pair for you too if you want them. They're rather large in the rear just like Jon Peters/Richard Baskin and James Brolin likes.

Rachel.

Mariah here! I was googling my name and I came across this website. Rachel, a hero truly lies in you for wanting to make outfits for me. You have given me the strength to carry on when I thought all hope was gone. If you want to make it as a designer, you must consider that boobs must be accentuated no matter what. I don't care whether you're designing a hospital gown or pajamas, the boobs must not get lost. If you start with a string bikini and add go from there, you can't go wrong. I'm very partial to the bra-and-panties look because it goes well with open-toe high heels so you can see my sensuous feet. I was so unhappy when Candies went out of style because they went so well with a pair of Daisy Dukes. During my next tour, I will wear edible panties which I will eat during the encore. I love everybody, especially you, Rachel, for loving me so much. I guess it's just my Emotions. If I'm rambling, it's because I'm having another nervous breakdown like I did on MTV. Please give me an ice cream cone. Oink. Oh yeah, I'm a pig. Barbra can't sing as many octaves as I can. I'm in Aspen with my dog who is wearing a matching dog outfit. Only my dog doesn't have boobs. Oink. I'm a pig. I'm Pariah Cherry. Oink. If this email is a bit scary, it's because I'm having a "Glitter" moment and I need ice cream. Oink. Have to go now. At least I didn't shave my head. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. The candy man makes everything he bakes satisfying and delicious, talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes. Or panties. I love you Rachel.

Hi Mariah! I'm so glad to hear from you. I will ship you one of my new designs - para-panties. They're panties made from parachute material. The ones I designed for you have charmbracelets and butterflys on them. I will send them to Mariah in Aspen. I'm sure they will find their way to you. It's so nice to talk to a real celebrity who's down-to-earth like you. Thank you also for the boobs advice. I will make sure that I accentuate the boobies on my next designs. As the song says:

Away out here they have a name for rain and wind and fire.
The rain is Tess, the fire's Joe and they call the wind Mariah.

I love you too Mariah! I can't wait for your next album. Rachel.

Away out here they have a name for rain and wind and fire.
The rain is Tess, the fire's Joe and they call the wind Mariah.


--Don't you mean "BREAKING wind"?

Away out here they have a name for rain and wind and fire.
The rain is Tess, the fire's Joe and they call the wind Mariah.


--Don't you mean "BREAKING wind"?

Mariah here again. Para-panties with charmbracelets and butteflies?!?!? That is so fly, Rachel. These designs sound like the product of an emancipated woman. You are truly my dreamlover and it is always a pleasure for people to learn how down-to-earth I am. I so love communicating with fans who worship me as you do. I'm really just an ordinary girl with ordinary boobs who happens to be able to carry a tune in several octaves. No big deal. I am free. I still believe. I carry around my puppy just like everybody else and dress the pooch in clothes that match mine just like everyone else. Rachel, babydoll, just between you and me, could you do me a favor? Since you adore me, I thought maybe you could post a "Leave-Mariah-alone" video on YouTube. I don't want to sound needy or anything, but it worked so well for Britney, I thought maybe you could get a webcam and film yourself (possibly wearing para-panties if you're not obese and gross) crying (I don't wanna cry) and begging the world to leave me alone. I have had my share of adversity after Glitter failed and my marriage to Tommy ended (who would of thought he didn't know women leave skid marks just like men. Hopefully, the para-panties will make it less noticeable.). I try to divert attention away from my lack of intelligence by going half naked but it doesn't seem to work. Help, Rachel! Thanks!!!

PS I am so fab that if you want to get mail to me, all you have to do is put "M" on an envelope. The U.S. Postal Service knows that I am "M" and wherever I am in the world, it gets delivered. Just so you know "B" is for Barbra and "W" is for George Bush. I recently heard that Congress is petitioning that if you put "L" on an envelope, it gets delivered to this webmaster and if you put "T" on it, it gets delivered to Trixie. This is a very powerful and influential website that members of Congress visit daily.
--Mariah

PS When I "break wind," as I often do during recording, I have my assistants capture it in a jar for ebay. If Justin Timerlake can sell uneaten French Toast, then my "wind" is certainly worth a few bucks. After all, I'm Mariah and my wind is truly wild (and valuable). If you play my next albmu backwards, you will hear my wind in many octaves saying, "Give her a Grammy."
--Mariah

Mariah - you are correct. Larry Craig here. I googled "skid marks just like men" and found this wonderful web-site. Of course, as you know, I'm very straight, but because of my wide stance google search, I also found Mariah's bootyful boobies. Rachel - if possible, could you please send some of those para-panties to me? I think I would look good in them - I mean, I think my wife would look GREAT in them and would like to try them on, I mean she wood like try them on. Keep up the good work. LC.

Hi Larry,

Mariah speaking. I am so happy you are "very straight." Being just plain straight totally sucks because it means you're not open to curvatures that sometimes occur with the male member. I am so happy that someone in Congress is on this sight because it gives more credence to this site since barbrastreisand.com is so woefully out of date. Is she still announcing her tour that has already happened? And is she still using that "skinny" picture of herself that is causing Jenny Craig to eat brownies by the dozen?

PS Mariah here. The best thing about para-panties is that if I ever have to leap from an aircraft, my panties might save my life. Do they expand like a parachute? Is there condom material that may make my last moments safely sexual. Might I have sex with someone whose member might expand like a parachute?

Larry Craig here again. I googled (isn't that what you kids call it?) "Mariah Carey" in order to find out who she was. If I was gay, which I'm not, I would think she wood be somewhat of a gay diva. Don't you gay people honor big-voiced women with big boobies by calling them "divas"? My wife is calling, gotta run. LC.

Hi Larry. Ted Haggard here. I googled your name and found this site. I am so glad you are straight just like I am. My wife AND kids are calling. Gotta run. TH

Mark Foley here. I googled "kids" and I came up with this site. I have no one to call me so I ask you both could you please give me Mike Jones's phone number? I need a massage. I also need someone to help me ghost write my autobiography so if you know Jeff Gannon's number, I'd appreciate that also.

Barbra here. Based on these posts, I realize I have GOT to be more visible these days. Rachel, do those para-panties come in "extra giant" with a Superman logo? I thought maybe a "B" logo would be cool but then I thought it could also stand for Beaver which Jim would not feel cool about.

Hi everyone - Mariah here again. I'm madder than a porcupine stuck in a thorn bush over the fact that Mr. Blackwell ignored me again this year. That bitch picked Mary Kate Olson, Amy Winehouse and Posh Spice over me! I didn't even make the top 10 (and as you know, my top is a 10). So, please Rachel, send me those para-panties - or any panties because I intend to make the list next year. Oh, remember, Love takes time. Peace. Mimi.

PS - thanks Larry - I'm proud to be a gay diva!

Hi Barbra, Rachel here. The panties I made with the B on them were for Barry Manilow. Maybe he can share with you?

Hi Mariah - I will rush the para-panties to you so you can fulfill your dream of making Mr. Blackwell's list.

Britney here. I googled "panties" and found this site. I was searching for a reason to wear them.

Clay Aiken here. Ditto on Britney's post.

Good Heavens! I retreat to church for a few weeks to celebrate the holidays and this gets out of control!!! BTW, thanks for all the Christmas Cards. The "L" does work.
--Louis
<http://www.kingweb.net/irrguid.htm>

Hi Louis,
Too bad you didn't read these posts before you retreated to church. That way, you could have prayed for our souls. You could have also prayed that someone would give Mariah a turtleneck for Christmas. I sent you a Christmas card and carefully drew a very elaborate "L" on the envelope. It didn't get returned to me so perhaps it went to LulaBell, Larry Craig, or Lucille Ball's grave. I'm not sure who has ownership of that letter if you don't. Since you didn't get it, may I wish you a very Merry Christmas for 2008. It's a bit early (with more than 355 shopping days left) but I want you to know I am always thinking about you and wishing you happy holiday thoughts.
--Brian

Ooops, I miscaculated, we have less than 344 days to Christmas shop. I must get cracking.