The Irreverent Guide to
BARBRA STREISAND

The Vanity Productions

Vanity, Thy Name is.........BARBRA
Throughout the history of Hollywood, its been quite common for major stars to demand references to their beauty in the script as well as lingering camera shots of the most beautiful parts of their anatomy. Today, this tradition is still alive with the likes of Tom Cruise and Matthew Broderick (the latter insisted on having himself referred to as "handsome" and "cute" while New York was being stomped on by Godzilla) and, of course, Barbra Streisand. Now, in Barbra's case, some would argue she isn't that beautiful; however, those who share this view were obviously not asked to write the following scripts or to direct the camera angles.

  1. The Main Event. THE BUTT EVENT

    AKA, "The Butt Event". It appears that Jon Peters, then Mr. Streisand, complimented her on her butt; something she had apparently not noticed before. It also appears that Jon was not the only one who noticed; so did the camera man. Her butt actually upstages her nails in this one. It's a shame the director wasn't imaginative enough to include both the nails and the butt in one shot. I mean, I do believe that sooner or later even Barbra scratches her butt. Oh, did I mention she produced this feature?

  2. The Prince of Tides.

    As mentioned earlier in the The Worst Movies section, Streisand stars as the beautiful psychiatrist who has an extramarital affair with the brother of one of her suicidal patients. Reportedly, when Barbra read the book, she read the glowing description of Dr. Susan Lowenstein and shrieked, "This is ME!!!" In order to achieve the beauty levels required by the story, Barbra was careful to include lingering shots of her legs, and of course, her patented fingernail shots...Oh, did I mention she directed this feature?

  3. The Mirror Has Two Faces.

    The Mirror may have many faces, but they all point to one (need I mention whose?). The original version of this film was about a woman who felt so ugly she decides to get plastic surgery. Once the process is over, the ugly duckling emerges a beautiful swan. In Barbra's Mirror, Rose Morgan decides not to have plastic surgery, instead she dyes her hair blonde, goes to the gym for a few months, and gains self-confidence. So out went the old Rose and in walks Dr. Lowenstein. Yes, its Barbra again with the blonde page cut, black dresses, and super high heels. Some in the audience failed to see the transformation. To Barbra's credit, she did apparently contemplate using special effects to change her nose in the film; however, the idea was nixed due to soaring costs. Apparently these computer generated effects cost millions (while the actual rhinoplasty could have been gotten for under $10,000--a drop in the bucket compared to the movie's $45 million price tag). Oh, did I mention she directed this feature?

  4. A Star Is Born.

    The first of her vanity productions. Kris Kristofferson falls for her the first time he sees her (i.e., while she's singing "Queen Bee".) I don't know if he was enamoured by her rock'n'roll voice, or by her buns (which were tightly squeezed into a pair of blue jeans). Yes, this is the first of the butt shots. To Barbra's credit, she looks her best in this film (thanks to a brilliant ederly cinematographer who used make-up to reduce the size of her nose). Oh, did I mention she co-produced this feature?


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