PageThis page is dedicated to the virtually psychotic form of obsession Streisand fans seem to frequently develop. And I'm not talking about the endless web pages that have sprouted to worship her greatness, but rather the peculiar things these obsessions lead fans to doing. So, everytime I come across something unique, I'll post it to this page in the section called The Fixation Level. For starters, I've included the Top 10 signs that you are obsessed with Barbra Streisand. And if you're not sure if you're obsessed, click here for THE IGBS OBSESSION QUIZ.
AND...
In terms even I can understand, a "fixation" is an obsession with something or someone that appears to have been developed in childhood, but continues in adulthood, resulting in persistent immature and neurotic behavior. I will document, in this section, true stories that provide compelling evidence of the existence of fans whose obsessions with Barbra have reached the "fixation" level. And Barbra, if you can hear me, don't fret about them. If they harm someone, it will most likely not be you--unless if when they meet you, you turn out to be such a disappointment that their already shaky psyches convince them you're not the true "Barbra", and are only trying to impersonate her. If this happens, run!
My thorough research for these web pages brought me across an unusual advice column, called "Dear Diva", in a gay entertainment publication. In this case, Diva does not refer to Barbra, but rather to an individual who wore tons of make-up, a bee-hive wig, and get this, size 14 shoes (get the picture? I almost didn't.) One week, while giving her advice to one of the members of her specialized readership, Diva made several remarks about that other Diva (Miss Streisand, of course). And the following letter, printed in the publication, was the result. (Please note Dear Diva's advice to this dissatisfied customer.)
Talk about SAVAGE. That's what you called the Hearsay queen and that's what we should categorize your comments on that mega-star Barbra Streisand [in the issue of June 6,1996]. What we have here is a sad, pathetic case of "Diva Envy." While you're writing a would-be advice column, the ONE AND ONLY BARBRA (note that it's spelled with only two a's) is lying in the lap of luxury, bathing in the admiration of her millions of fans. Why, you ask, are we so obsessed with her? (And I thought you knew everything.) Well, it's very simple: Barbra's got style. Barbra's got class. Having attended both of her DC concerts, seen all her movies, and purchased all her records, I can positively attest to these obvious facts. Oh, did I forget to mention that her Majesty (not you, Diva) also happens to have the most gifted voice in the history of recorded music?
Well, now that I think about it, maybe I can excuse you for suffering from Diva Envy. After all, could a writer for this publication ever dream of being as classy as La Barbra? And I can just see your old, wrinkly skin turning shades of green under that equally old beehive wig every time that slender definition of elegance (Miss Streisand) makes a public appearance and indulges us with her talent. Oops. Sorry! Didn't mean to rub in the fact that she's got talent, too. Having read your column, I guess it's safe to assume that talent (of any kind) isn't one of your gifts.
Anyway, just one final comment: I LUV BARBRA.
-A Streisand Fan
PS: Maybe I didn't make myself clear. The next time you refer to Super-Diva Streisand as a tramp, I'm gonna find you and shove what's left of that beehive wig up your you-know-what. There's already one there? So that's where you keep the spare. I guess that explains why there are no bees after the hive...
[DEAR DIVA RESPONDS]
DEAR STREISAND FAN,
First of all, Diva would like to thank you for taking the time to write such a nice long letter. A few more paragraphs, and Diva could have taken the week off.
Well, no such luck, sweetie. You've left her enough space to clarify her statements. Diva sincerely apologizes for referring to Ms. Streisand as "a tramp" and "that beak-nosed, faux-frosty blonde warbler." Clearly, Diva's comments were taken out of context. What Diva meant to say was that Ms. Streisand is an "insufferable shrew with an ego the size of Montana and the talent of a circus poodle."
Diva thinks it's time you sought professional help before your obsession leads to erratic behavior - such as voting Republican.
"... now we know ... September 28th, 2000 .... Madison Square Garden ... that night it will be over ... forever .. .we are not talking Rolling Stones ... we are talking Barbra ... this decision is final ... before the news was spread I was calm ... she did not perform that often anyway ... so I would not really miss something ... saw her in Vegas twice ... no big deal ... just sorry for the teenagers who would never get a chance ... but such is life ... sometimes too hard ... friends asked me if I would go ... wasn't sure ... then decided to go only if I could get tickets in the first ten rows ... turned out too expensive ... so I don't go ... that was all yesterday though ... today it hit me ... no waring ahead .. just like that ... I layed on my couch and cried ... couldn't stop ... feeling silly and stupid ... maybe I need therapy ... my head still very calm and objective ... no need to go ... really ... but the heart ... the heart ached so much ... why does it hurt so much ... why can't I let go ... for heaven's sake she is not dead ... she is just giving up something she didn't do that often anyway ... there will be more movies ... more albums ... she didn't turn her back towards us ... okay, stopped crying ... now feeling undescribable empty ... need to prepare for work ... can't get myself started ... I'm mourning over a loss ... one that isn't really one ... all is so unreal ... wish I could touch her ... that would make it real for me ... am one of those who need to touch to understand ... letting my mind wander ... meeting her somewhere .. asking her, if she would mind me touching her ... smile ... wondering about the answer ... realizing at the same time I would never ask ... remember Vegas ... still not real for me ... brought her closer ... still universes away ... was very intensive experience though ... if I close my eyes I can still smell the air ... memories coming up before my inner eye ... me alone at home watching 'Hello Dolly' ... six years old and conquered by storm ... being in love for the first time ... kissed me in the rain ... 'cause he knew how much I would love that ... sang 'run wild' for me into my ear ... all those tiny little things that happened while Barbra was there ... always ... daily ... like the sun, the moon ... as my personal star ... can't hold the tears any longer ... what is it that makes me so sad ... lost chances ... which I could have seen her at the Bon Soir ... or the Central Park ... 'One Voice' hurts the most ... she was sooo beautiful that night ... how could she ever think she is not beautiful ... but also sad for Barbra ... scared she will end this last night not knowing how we feel ... letting this last chance pass by ... without even knowing ... trying to comfort myself ... she knows, Yentl, she knows ... really? - oh, my g*d, I'm talking to myself! ... in a second the decision has been made ... I will be there ... in New York City ... she will never know ... but somehow she may feel the love ... this I truly believe ... don't care where I will sit ... have to be there ... must get ticket ... g*d may help me ... feel much better now ... put on 'A love like ours' ... dwell in the love pouring out there ... then take 11 ... never liked it that much before ... gets a different meaning now ... all of a sudden ... wish I could sing that song with a different text to her ... practically see her climbing up that stairs at the end ... Marvin stops playing ... my voice rises and all the other people fall in too ... [Snipped -- lyrics to Wait fan sings to her] ... while I still dream my dream Barbra sings on ... about the music that makes her dance ... I simply sit down on the floor in my living room and cry on for a little while ... grateful for the past ... hoping for other works of her in the future ... most of all though immeasurable sad ... knowing I will cry with her at the end of that night on that September 28th, 2000 ... an ancient Greek saying comes to my mind ... With whom you laughed you may forget - but never with whom you cried! ... how true...... tell me, who will cry with me?"
Did you know that
Barbra passed on the movie,
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
For good reason...
What will a fan do to honor his or her star? To what lengths will he/she go? Any ideas? Well, not even I would have thought of this one. You see, for a mere $10, you can have the Jewish National Fund plant a tree in Israel. It appears that one or more fans contacted the Jewish National Fund and had them set up a special tree planting deal for Barbra Joan Streisand. This deal has been called An Ordinary Miracle. Sooo, for $10 per tree, you can have the Jewish National Fund plant a tree in Israel in honor of Barbra Joan Streisand. In recognition of your sacrifice, you will receive a copy of the certificate shown below. (Also, the Jewish National Fund has promised to send Streisand a letter with the names of all those who made this momentous sacrifice). For more information or to order a tree, call 1-800-542-TREE or write to:
Jewish National Fund
42 East 69th Street
New York, New York 10021.
Also, please let them know you heard about it here!
I've been contacted by the people of "An Ordinary Miracle Liman Project". They have informed me that the deadline to purchase a tree in Israel in honor of Miss Streisand has been extended. [UPDATE: Deadline has passed. Sorry!]
At this strangely unique site, all you have to do is enter the first and last name of your subject and voila! you've got a gravesite. According to this lovely website, Barbra's grave is located at: Mount Hebron Cemetery, Flushing, Queens, New York, USA [Specific Interment Location: Section 104, near the road.] Findagrave is also kind enough to point out that Streisand is..."still living." (Could've fooled me!) Here is the picture of the gravesite, a mausoleum fit for a princess:
At one point or other in their lives, people obsess about aging and getting old. When they do this, they are normally concerned about their own aging process. Unless its a Babs Fan. When the Diva's subjects worry about age, it's about Barbra's. Just read the following email:
"You know, I'm really upset for Barbra as she's nearing 60. Some of the crap I read - I feel like, SHE must feel like - she's on a death watch! I think she's as wonderful as she's always been. For me, when I hear Barbra sing, that's enough - it's Barbra! I don't care if her long notes, her high notes are the same as yesterday. Her voice is wonderful, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow for a long time yet! I get so tired of hearing about Barbra's decline in voice - how she has to be careful about appearing on film, her age is so apparent...You Know! I want to see Barbra in a movie again, don't care if she looks older! That she's gained weight I read this stupid remark on one of the other boards that - "she should have cared more about what we thought and not looked pregnant for Timeless! What a fucking mean remark! Most on that board are still carrying on about Timeless, prices, lack of new songs, etc. Remarks are made about her clothes NOT up to par - that she wears the turtlenecks and chokers to hide her turkey neck! I'm not pointing at any specific individual here or anywhere else...lot's of good fan's on the boards, just in general here and there, the press, etc. Am just really sad about the attacks Barbra is getting the past few years and WHY? Because she has the nerve to get older, like the rest of us. SHE isn't supposed to do that! we don't like it! Well...we can't help 'getting older' ...and, you know - most of the people who care about us don't continually point it out to us! Some people talk about Barbra like she's some kind of fucking object - instead of a person. I'm sure she hears all this kind of negative crap! It must hurt her somewhat. She must hate getting older, more so because of some of us! No wonder she's giving up starring in films, singing live, appearing in public for Christ's sake - she must sometimes feel like we're just watching for her to fall apart any minute! She gets so scrutinized, the looking for any new lines that may have sprung up - she's afraid to open her mouth and sing live because everyone is sitting on the edge of their seat waiting to see how long she can hold that note - compare it with the same note she held at 25! Some even time the seconds she can hold a note 'now' in comparison to 'then!' When she make's a new studio album she gets her work compared to her work of 30 years ago! how fair is that? Now, must be a scary place for her.
"What makes me most sad, is NOT those who state they don't like Barbra Streisand. It's those people who claim they ARE fans and then, go on to point out her flaws and what she doesn't do! Many of her so-called fan's are more guilty of attacking Barbra then those who claim they dislike her! it's those who state they Really love her...who can be the most cruel at times. I's sure I'm guilty of making a statement I didn't need to voice - we probably all are. Still, am not guilty of taking apart her voice or how she looks. I may make a remark about disliking a staged picture - that's fair, it's part of her work - it's not saying she looks like shit! I think she's a very beautiful woman, still! with so much negative crap lately, it would serve some right if she stays the hell out of the spotlight from now on and never does anything for us again. And no, am not pointing at any individual in particular. It's fair for us to have our opinion's on her work - we can do that without ripping into her looks, her range loss! it just isn't fair to Barbra to be comparing her voice with her 25 year old one - looking for flaws - that her voice at 59 can't compare (stand up) with the Barbra of 25. Frankly I prefer her voice from the mid 80's through now - I love lots of her stuff from the 60's and 70's, most - the ballads. Still, I prefer the deeper, husky - sexier voice she has today. And...whatever! Barbra is still Barbra!"
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The Irreverent Guide to Barbra Streisand wishes to thank the following sources of inspiration for this web page...
On second thought, maybe not.
Please note that this site is neither maintained nor supported by Barbra Streisand or her management. Furthermore, The Irreverent Guide to Barbra Streisand is not an official or unofficial newsletter or publication related
to or endorsed by Barbra Streisand, Barbra Joan Streisand, Barbara Streisand, Babs or her fan clubs.
Original content and design © 1998, 1999, 2000, 2003, 2008. The Irreverent Guide to Barbra Streisand is for entertainment value only and/or historical purposes; no financial
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