In addition, a review of the Timeless DVD has been added. (2/18/01)
NOTE: All photos on this page were taken at the MGM Grand, Las Vegas, during business hours on December 30 and 31, 1999, except for the Timeless DVD cover and the caption of Barbra singing The Main Event, which come from the Columbia DVD currently on sale.
The Exploits of the Undercover "Irreverent Guider"
Some of you refer to me as the "Irreverent Guider", and I was definitely undercover (how else would I get any scoops?) I arrived in Los Angeles on December 29, 1999, and began my trek to Las Vegas, Nevada, home of the MGM Grand Hotel. On December 30, I headed towards Las Vegas. No, I was not alone; however, to reveal my companions could expose my secret identity. Given the obsession some of these fans have (which borders on madness), I must keep my identity a secret in order to preserve the lives of those who were with me -- as well as my own skin.
I had done my homework: I’d read the info posted on several web pages, the news groups and in the press. Various sources claimed that Streisand’s Millennium Concert, now titled "Timeless", was like nothing she’d ever done. Sources further claimed it would be more like a Broadway show, not a concert. Given the outrageous ticket prices ($500 to $2500), it was obvious Barbra was going to have to put on quite a show. What’s more, it would have to be the show of shows.
After checking in to my hotel, I headed to the MGM Grand to check out the Barbra stores. There were at least 4 different locations selling merchandise: two kiosks, one gift shop, and one store devoted to Barbra. The latter was full of fans buying everything they could and was already seriously depleted. A helpful fan pointed out that more merchandise would arrive in about three hours (ie, 4:00PM), and that several items (eg, gold records) had sold out earlier in the week.
The next day, December 31, a local paper reported that a tap dancer had been hired to play the role of "Time" throughout the show. Excuse me? Tap? What has Barbra’s career ever had to do with tap? Anyway, I didn’t have much time to think about it since I was scheduled to attend an impromptu "Barbra Brunch" at the Monte Carlo Hotel and Casino at 10:00AM. This brunch was organized by a group of Barbra fans responsible for the so called "Barbra Reunions". While in line to get into the buffet, I was given a pin to identify me as a Barbra fan. It was easy to spot most of the fans (virtually all of them had Barbra shirts on). 
At the end of the brunch, we posed for a photo outside the hotel and then marched to the MGM Grand to the Barbra stores. This time, the MGM had placed a security guard at the entrance of the main Barbra store. His job was to allow only a certain number of people into the store at any given time (and to spot ticket scalpers). It was a half hour wait to get into the store and another half hour to get to the cash register. This photo captures the mob in line to get into the store.
During my several visits to the stores I chatted with hotel personnel, overheard others chatting with hotel personnel, spoke with Barbra fans, overheard others speaking with Barbra fans, etc. From this comes the following:
1-I learned that Barbra was staying on the 29th floor of the MGM Grand. The employee who revealed this covered her name tag and said, "Don’t mention my name--I will lose my job."
2-The same employee confirmed that the stories of furniture rearrangements were more than true.
3-Another source claimed that Streisand was not happy with the toilet of her room and demanded that it be changed -- three times. Finally happy with the toilet, she required rose petals in the water.
4-Room service personnel were instructed NOT to make eye contact with Barbra Streisand. They had to enter the room backwards, leave the tray in the room and leave without looking in. Penalty for looking at Barbra: TERMINATION OF EMPLOYMENT (ie, they’d be fired).
5-Room service personnel were instructed not to ask for tips. They were also notified that Streisand would not be tipping them whenever service was received in her room.
6-There were tickets still available for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s. It was later reported that only 4000 tickets were sold for New Year’s and many were given away to hotel patrons (ie, the big gamblers).
7-I was offered tickets by many scalpers both inside and outside the MGM Grand. I was offered a $500 ticket for half price, two $1500 tickets for $600 each, etc., etc., etc. I observed security at the Barbra store preparing to tackle a scalper.
8-Fans had stood outside the door of the arena the night before to hear the rehearsal.
Already a little exhausted, I headed back to my hotel room to dress for the occassion. I will not reveal what I wore as it would give me away. Needless to say, you all would have been proud of me. An hour later, I headed back to the MGM Grand and arrived there several hours before the concert was scheduled to start. It was essential to arrive early to avoid problems with the increased security. At 8:00PM, I headed to the arena. The concert started approximately at 9:25PM.
TIME RUNNING OUT ON BARBRA STREISAND
(Review of Timeless Concert, December 31, 1999)
Barbra made many mistakes in preparing and executing this concert:
1-She overpriced the millennium concert, making it essential that she put on a great show.
2- She called it "Timeless", implying that she, her voice, and her art were above Time itself.
3- She had a poor selection of songs ranging from songs that are not associated with her (Alfie), to songs that she can’t sing anymore (Miss Marmelstein), to songs that she’s sung a million times (People), to songs that no one cared to hear (Simple Pleasures).
4-She had a lousy script. It appeared to me that given the amount of money she made for this concert, she could afford a decent scriptwriter. The jokes were NOT funny, and the stories about her career were all things I’d read before. I truly did not appreciate the skit in which she ridiculed her own mother (who reportedly has Alzheimer’s). Not to mention, we once again had to hear about how her father died when she was so young and that she missed him so.
5-She came across as even more self-absorbed than usual. All the stories were about her, about how she followed her instincts, about hearing herself on the radio and not recognizing herself, about her son, about her marriage, etc...
6-She talked way too much. Let's face it; talk is cheap and not worth these prices. Especially when you consider that virtually all of the stories she told had been told before.
(Please note this review will not go over every song and detail of the concert. It will only provide examples that support my general conclusions.)
ACT I: Color Me Numb
This act started with an overture that mostly contained music none of us recognized. In the midst of this, a tap dancer emerges tapping away (for a moment, I thought I was in the wrong place). Out of the blue, and very unimpressively, Barbra appears in a casual(!) tank top and slacks. I honestly believe the price of my ticket alone was more than enough to buy a dignified (ie, formal) dress for such a special occasion.
It turns out the African American tap dancer (Savion Glover) is "Brother" Time (HA HA HA! How funny can you get?). Unfortunately, the jokes got worse as Act I dragged on. At one point she ridiculed Libya because, according to her slides, they were not celebrating the New Year with an extravagant party. Some were dismayed at this lack of political correctness coming from none other than the Diva of the Truth Alerts. And the jokes got even worse: at one point Shirley MacLaine appeared on the screen to discuss the change from the year 999 to 1000. Shirley claimed she was watching Cats that evening. More laughter, please.
The most unusual thing happened in the first act. Barbra’s voice appeared unusually husky and deep. She also appeared to be struggling to hit certain notes. Though I wasn’t expecting perfection, I was truly shocked while in the humming part of The Way We Were, she turned around and began to sip out of a bottle--while the humming continued. This happened at least twice during this song. Another fan reported observing something similar during another song. As far as I know, no one can sip and sing at the exact same time. Readers, draw your own conclusions.
I was further dismayed when she got into a secretarial chair to re-enact Miss Marmelstein, the role/song that launched her on Broadway. The recorded version of this song is one of the best examples of Barbra belting. Not tonight. She sped up the tempo, glossed over it and before you knew it, it was over. Now really, would it have killed Barbra to appear a little more animated during this number? As performed on this night, it was hard to imagine this song turning her into a Broadway sensation.
To further accentuate the decline in her vocal prowess, she sang the first half of I’m the Greatest Star. In the cast recording, she sings, "...a silver flute, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh..." with the ooh’s being four of her highest notes. Not tonight. She wasn’t even close. Later in the verse, she sings, "I’m a natural Camille..." On the recorded cast version, this "I’m" is one of her lowest notes. Not tonight.
She also blundered on the final note of "Cry Me a River", which she had sung earlier. It was perhaps these vocal problems and poor jokes that were causing the lukewarm audience reaction. The audience was definitely a Streisand crowd, but they just weren’t clapping that hard, and didn’t offer many standing ovations. It is also possible they were more concerned with the rising temperature in the arena than with the concert itself. It appeared that, according to hotel employees, the air conditioning system was broken. I also saw Barbra in DC. Those who remember the 1994 DC concerts can also remember how hot it was there. Coincidence? Discuss amongst yourselves...
At this point, to amuse myself and to stay awake, I began to read one of the TelePrompTers. Every word she spoke was on the TelePrompTer, even directions on where to move. At one point, "(MOVE LEFT)" appeared on the TelePrompTer, but Streisand started moving right. Suddenly realizing the mistake, she scurried around and headed in the other direction towards "Brother" Time. I tell ya, even with TelePrompTers she still can’t get it right.
This Act did mercifully reach an end. Not an original end, but an end nonetheless. She dueted with herself on the Yentl finale, just like she did in 1994. To add some novelty, she included a younger singer who was playing Barbra as a thirteen year old. Though I’m not quite sure how that fit in.
THE INTERMISSION: Cirque du Soleil and The Man with Explosive Diarrhea
A gentleman from Cirque du Soleil performed during the latter half of the intermission. I mean, what did I expect? After a 13-year old girl, a tap dancer, Shirley MacLaine, etc., you might as well just send in the clowns. Ironically, I believe this man, who combined rhythmic gymnastics and juggling, was probably the highlight of the evening. I can’t be sure though, since during his performance I had to contend with... The Man with Explosive Diarrhea.
Two roles in front of me and about 5 seats to my left, there was an elderly gentleman. During the intermission, he got up and pulled at his pants (apparently, he had developed a wedgie during Act I). More than a wedgie, actually. It seems he also had explosive diarrhea. For when he stood up, out it came. It dripped down his pant and onto the chair and floor. Did I mention it was close to 100 degrees Fahrenheit at this point? Imagine the heat, the humidity and now this putrid stench. I almost became ill.
Fortunately, there is always someone prepared for all emergencies. Near me was a gentleman with a bottle of perfume which he readily shared with everyone. People were spraying it on their index fingers and holding these fingers to their noses. I tried it. It helped, but the stench of human bowels was still too overpowering. Finally, someone went and demanded the hotel send up a cleaning crew. Some time later, two poor souls arrived with a cleaning spray and some paper towels. As they started to wipe the mess, thereby spreading it around, the odor intensified (fortunately, I had skipped dinner, otherwise they would have had another mess to clean up). As they scrubbed and scrubbed, the lights dimmed signaling the start of Act II. Fortunately, we had been given small Barbra/Timeless flashlights in case power failed at midnight due to Y2K (see photo). Several fans used these flashlights to illuminate the soiled area so the cleaning crew could finish wiping up the mess.
The things I endure to keep this web page going.
ACT II: Has She Stayed Too Long at the Fair?
Wide awake after my previous experience, I focused my attention to The Concert. Barbra started Act II with On a Clear Day, the first solid performance of the evening. But then it was back to coma inducement when she sang Send in the Clowns, I’ve Got a Crush on You, and Simple Pleasures, one right after the other. She did a good job with Clowns, but was sorely mediocre on Crush. As for Simple Pleasures, I won’t waste my time on trash. But before sleep overcame me, she stunned everyone by performing The Main Event, the first upbeat selection of the night. Though she couldn’t perform the vocal acrobatics she did in the recorded version (1978), it was still refreshing to hear something bouncy and shear fun, especially after all the downbeat and dreary selections of Act I, and the slow start of Act II.
Unfortunately, after The Main Event, things began to drag again as she began singing one downbeat song after the other (I’ve Dreamed of You, At the Same Time, Aud Lang Syne, The Music That Makes Me Dance). If she had had the supervoice that she once did, vocal acrobatics would have carried us through. But simple, straight-forward singing of simple songs, one right after the other, is a cure for insomnia--not a source of entertainment. To make a long story short, there were only three more memorable performances that evening: People, Happy Days are Here Again and Somewhere. Unfortunately, she was unable to hold the final notes of these three songs the correct number of beats. By the way, People and Happy Days are Here Again have been performed one time too many (both are part of all her live cds). As for Somewhere, it was truly her performance of the night, and the only great performance of the evening.
Concluding Remarks
Timeless? I don’t think so. No one is above Time--not even Barbra Streisand. And this concert proves it. Time has aged her and diminished her vocal talent. Before, when she had her voice, we could forgive the bad scripts, the lousy jokes, the conceitedness and the poor selection of songs. All she had to do was sing. Her voice would transform the silliest songs into vocal masterpieces and erase all memories of anything but the sounds of music. Today, her lack of lung power, her inability to control any notes above high C, her shaky vibrato and her diminished range render her powerless before an audience.
The following night, January 1, 2000, Barbra played to a slightly different crowd. There were celebrities, casino gamblers (who had free tickets), and only 4000 fans who had actually paid for seats. I did not attend that night, but word got back to me that it went worse than the first night. There were many empty seats and a cold audience. To make matters worse, during the intermission, a number of celebrities got up and left.
A few blocks away, Bette Midler was playing the same nights. Bette, who never had a voice like Streisand’s, was charging much less. Though less talented, Bette obviously knows her weaknesses and how to work around them. Virtually all local critics pointed to Bette’s show as the main event on New Year’s Eve. Her secret: showmanship. Bette had the better jokes, a better mix of songs, better choreography, and a lot of energy.
Barbra, please take note.
OVERDUB-BRA OVERDOES IT
The Timeless Special Review
(DVD Release 2/20/01)
In 1985, in a special called The Making of The Broadway Album, Barbra said the following: "The basis of all good art to me is feeling...You cannot lie...It doesn't sell. It doesn't transmit. The audience doesn't feel anything. If you're making a movie and the lights are perfect and the sound is great, but there is no truth in the performance, you have nothing." I was reminded of these words as I watched the Timeless Video Special. Previously, I reviewed the 12/31/99 Timeless Concert and the Timeless CD. The latter review was called "Overdub-bra", referring to Barbra's need to "cut and paste" when releasing "live" performances on audio and video formats. This "cutting and pasting" is also evident in the Timeless Video Special.
From beginning to end, it is evident no expense was spared to capture the 12/31/99 and 1/1/00 performances (both performances were used to prepare the special). The visual appearance of the special is excellent and the sound quality reflects state of the art recording techniques. (Many of us recall the problems with the 1994 concert: shaky cameras and less than expected sound quality.) The Timeless stage is as grand as the MGM itself and fit for a Pharaoh. The orchestra is simply superb. Above and around the stage there is a massive lighting system that highlights the entire set, a single prop, the performer or any combination thereof. Below, a reliable hydraulic system moves props on or off the stage as needed. The following photos document the incredible lights and some footage (source: Columbia Timeless DVD, on sale 2/20/01):
Clearly, the stage was set for what could have been a memorable once in a lifetime performance. But it didn't happen. Amidst this complicated array of machinery, musical instruments, and talented musicians there is one weak link: Miss Barbra Streisand. Not in the greatest voice and lacking a good script, the concert I attended (12/31/99) itself was a disappointment (see review above). However, Barbra did a second performance on 1/1/00, which gave her two nights to choose from.
And choose she did, but not intelligently. Throughout the special, the keen-eyed viewers will note that she moves from one night to the other too frequently and even within the same song. It's this movement between the two nights that destroys the "truth in the performance". But more than that, there is one disaster in the editing of this special that ruins it for everyone. When she reaches the "end" of the final note of Somewhere, she moves the microphone away. However, although she appears done and the microphone is away, her voice continues. How? In addition, some have pointed out that the same occurs at the end of On a Clear Day and Don't Rain On My Parade; however, you may need a sharp TV (500+ resolution) and the DVD to see these.
The Somewhere catastrophe and other issues have prompted the speculation of lip-syncing. However, I do not at this time believe that this was the problem. Instead, the endless moving back and forth between the two performances, the mixing of visuals and sounds from different nights probably caused the Somewhere faux pas. Some fans have blamed the technicians. However, I think if anyone needs to be blamed it's Barbra, the self-proclaimed perfectionist.
It's not the first time Streisand is careless (remember The Mirror Has Two Faces and the mysterious reflection of a man drinking from a bottle); however, this carelessness really comes at a bad time. The DVD is scheduled for release Tuesday (2/20) following the TV special (which performed poorly in the TV ratings). Earlier, the Timeless CD concluded its unimpressive 15-week run on Billboard's Top 200.
Given that this review will likely be read by Streisand fans, I have no choice but to address her wardrobe. According to the DVD credits, Barbra designed all of the three gowns she wore that night. The first of these was a tacky, sleeveless and sparkling pant suit that I will never forget. It is not the kind of outfit anyone would want to get caught in on the eve of a new millennium or on any other special occasion. A year has passed since she wore it, and to no one's surprise, it has not started 
any new fashion trends. Barbra's second outfit was much more regal: a long, magenta evening gown with some kind of light green cape (see photo). In this outfit, she performed The Main Event, the highlight of the DVD special. After The Main Event, Barbra takes a break and returns in (surprise) a white dress. Can you go wrong with white? Barbra can. This outfit has no straps and it appears that Barbra has no bra. What's worse, when she leans forward, she looks like a Zulu hag. Imagine that. A Zulu hag on a stage fit for a pharaoh. Oy.
As for the DVD itself, it is devoid of special features. Unless you consider an incomplete discography a special feature. If you get the DVD, you will notice the soundtrack of The Eyes of Laura Mars is missing. In my very humble opinion, Eyes is just as much a part of Streisand's discography as are The Owl and the Pussy Cat, Nuts, and The Way We Were Soundtrack, etc., which are included. The real shame is that it would have been inexpensive to add a few special features like Cher did on her Believe Concert DVD.
In short, this is yet another product for the serious, die-hard Streisand collector who must have everything.
On a scale of 1-10: 5.
Did you know that...
the correct date for the eve of the Millennium was 12/31/2000,
and not 12/31/1999, the date used in Streisand's Timeless?
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The Irreverent Guide to Barbra Streisand wishes to thank the following sources of inspiration for this web page...
On second thought, maybe not.
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